Dear Slap Dash Soda,
I bought a “Party Pack” of your Mango Mojo Mania soda and there must have been one wacky mix up at the plant. It seems the labels may have been switched because I ended up with a Strawberry Kiwi concoction. Just wanted you to know as to stay informed on these matters.
Sincerely,
Daryl Boxer

Dear Mr. Boxer,
I am sorry to hear about your soda incident. I am not sure what might have occurred but The Slap Dash Soda Company does not make a Strawberry or a Kiwi soda. Thank you keeping us informed I have passed on the information. Thank you for purchasing Slap Dash Soda products.
Sincerely,
Matthew Cooley
Customer Service

Dear Mr. Cooley,
I must say I am in a very agitated state by the lack of your action you have taken to satisfy my dilemma. Please make amends before I will take a direct action against your company.

Daryl Boxer

Dear Mr. Boxer,
I am sorry for your dissatisfaction. I must say I am at a lost. Your original correspondence asked for no action to be taken. What is it that you would like me to do in order to make you a happy Slap Dash Soda customer? Please let me know as I will be more than happy to accommodate.

Sincerely,

Matthew Cooley
Customer Service


Mr. Cooley,
I know not why you must mock me so cruelly. As if being forced (NO; to answer the go to question you corporate lackeys would ask; there was not the proverbial gun to my head, but forced none the less) to consumer a vile kiwi strawberry (that is correct I know the difference between kiwi strawberry and mango mojo mania; I am no fool) was not enough punishment. Now after that ordeal which was nothing short of stomach rape you pay my kindness with nothing short of cold faced hatred. I assure you this will not stand, no not for one minute. You can expect swift and just retribution. Mark my words.

Daryl Boxer
Victim No More


Dear Mr. Cooley and other Tyrants,
I did not appreciate the certified letter I received from your lawyer. I can only assume you are watching me. Perhaps you always have as it seems inventible that I will learn that you are just another cog in the mechanical beast that is the Zionist Occupied Government. First you and yours fly planes into the towers and now this! I am not one to lie down and allow the Jew financed racial throw backs run amok over my white Christian homeland. This is the stand I take and it will be your undoing.
Daryl Boxer

Dear Mr. Cooley,
I just wanted to write to let you know I regret the exchange we had. After the police raid and subsequent time spent in the facility I have had time to think about my life. With the help of many great doctors and the right medication I see how far I had fallen from reality. I will not bore you with the details of my fall and redemption. Let me tell you I am so sorry for putting you in a situation that must have caused great fear and anxiety. I have learned the world must survive on love, because hate will destroy us all. I now see that. I also purchased some Mango Mojo Mania and it was delicious. Thank you and God bless.

Sincerely,
Your Friend
Daryl Boxer